Grief and Healing
Learning to live with loss, one gentle moment at a time
Grief asks a lot of us.
It can feel heavy, confusing, tender, and exhausting — sometimes all at once.
When someone or something important changes or leaves our lives, our world shifts, and it takes time to find our footing again.
Grief is not a sign that something is wrong with you.
It is a sign that you loved, that you cared, and that something mattered deeply.
There is no need to rush.
There is no timeline you have to meet.
You are allowed to take your time.
Grief Comes in Many Forms
We often think of grief after a death, and that kind of loss touches us profoundly.
But grief can appear in many moments of life, such as:
The end of a relationship or friendship
A change in health or ability
Children growing up and leaving home
Retirement or a loss of identity or routine
Losing a job or direction
The death of a pet
Letting go of dreams or hopes that didn’t happen
Grief can feel like sadness, tiredness, worry, numbness, or simply a sense that life has shifted in a way we didn’t choose.
All of these experiences are valid.
Grief Moves Gently and Slowly
You may have heard about “stages of grief.” These ideas can sometimes help, but they don’t always match real life. Most people move through grief like waves — forward and back, soft then strong, quiet then overwhelming.
Some days may feel heavy.
Other days you may feel moments of peace or even laughter.
Both are part of grief. Both are allowed.
Researchers have also learned that healthy grief often involves moving gently between:
Feeling the loss — remembering, crying, sitting with emotions
Taking breaks — resting, doing everyday tasks, connecting with life again
This rhythm is natural.
You don’t have to be in your feelings all the time, and taking breaks does not mean you are forgetting or “moving on.”
It simply means you are human.
Giving Yourself Permission
You don’t have to be strong every day.
You don’t have to feel okay before you are ready.
You don’t have to compare your grief with anyone else's.
Grief isn’t a test. It is not a race.
It is an experience — and it unfolds in its own time.
When you can, try to offer yourself kindness.
Allow space for whatever arises: sorrow, love, confusion, gratitude, longing, exhaustion.
Small acts of gentleness can help:
Resting when your body asks for it
Letting yourself cry if tears come
Talking to someone who feels safe
Sitting quietly with memories
Stepping outside for fresh air
Keeping your days simple and soft
You are allowed to care for yourself.
When Support Can Help
Grief is natural — and there is no shame in needing extra support.
If you feel overwhelmed, stuck, or very low for a long time, reaching out can bring comfort and relief.
Speaking with someone who truly listens — a counsellor, a support group, or a kind friend — can help you feel less alone.
Reading suggestion
Wilson, J. (2020). The Plain Guide to Grief. York.
This is a very good book that explains in plain language what you can expect in the weeks, months, and years after loss. It also explains the loss of a loved one during COVID-19.
Chapters 6 and 7 address the life changing illness/surgery and grieving other losses.
Loss of career, a pet, health, friendship, relationship break up, retirement.
It also explains the different models of grief.
The following websites have lots of information about grief and loss.
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/
If you would like to book an appointment with me or ask for more information. Please contact me via email or phone. Click on 'Contact Me' underneath this blog