Month: April 2023

In 2020 during the first wave of the pandemic I was in the last few months of four years of study and looking forward to finishing my Counselling Diploma and qualifying. Then the unbelievable happened; overnight we were not allowed to leave our homes and me and many others in education wondered how on earth we were going to complete our courses.

How was I going to accumulate the last 50 hours of client work required to become a counsellor?

How was I going to complete the remaining study sessions by the end of May?

Although I knew I could delay for another year, the thought filled me with disappointment and desperation.

It soon became apparent this wasn’t going to be a short term situation and contingency plans were soon put in to action. Weekly lessons would be online, but there was still no plan for client work to resume in any form. I remember feeling very worried until our examining board gave the go ahead to counsel clients via online video link.

This didn’t really sit that well with me, however, I was prepared to give it a try. I did some brief training on how to set up a video link e.g. Zoom/Teams and away I went.

Very few of my original clients wanted to be counselled in this way, a few wanted telephone counselling but most wanted to wait until face to face counselling started again (little did we know that wasn’t going to be until a long time later). Eventually we started to come to terms that online or telephone counselling was going to be the options whether we liked it or not.

I remember the feeling of apprehension and anxiety when I counselled my first client online. Waiting patiently whilst they tried to connect ‘can you hear me? can you see me?’ Both of us pressing different buttons and making things disappear or muting ourselves by accident, such good fun!

Eventually things became smoother and we started to get the hang of it, and I think the sessions worked quite well, except for the slight lag in speech which meant we talked over each other ‘sorry you go first’, ‘ no it’s ok, after you.’ We were so polite.

I did counsel a few clients by telephone, but this wasn’t my ‘cup of tea’ I found it difficult not knowing what they looked like or seeing their facial expressions. I was also highly aware that on the telephone we can lose our inhibitions and disclose more than we intended. I could also never be sure that the client was alone and not being overheard, and felt confidentiality could have been compromised; not to mention some clients dash for the front door when parcels were being delivered and my own dog barking in the background when deliveries were being made to my home.

I managed to complete my client hours online, and later that year enrolled on a level 5 Diploma in Counselling for Trauma with the agency http://www.newpathways.org.uk/

( a specialist counselling and advocacy services for women, men, children and young people who have been affected by rape or sexual abuse) which was also completed entirely online. I enjoyed doing this from the comfort of my own home, not having to go out on cold rainy days, but I did miss the human contact of my fellow students. However, we got to know each other well online and met up when Covid-19 restrictions were lifted.

Eventually, last year I started my own private counselling practice in Blackwood and offered face to face counselling. I remember feeling quite apprehensive about seeing clients in the flesh after so long, but after my first session I could feel myself easing back in to ‘the zone.’ For me it’s important that I see my clients subtle movements which may indicate distress, something which is more difficult on line. I also find the screen a barrier between me and my client and anyone else I’m talking to online. However, I appreciate that some clients may find it easier to open up in the safety of their own home and it may be better for those who don’t want anyone else to know they are having counselling. Clients with mobility issues may find it more convenient, although at my own counselling room https://www.blackwoodwellbeingcentre.com/ is ground level access.

Clients who are afraid to leave the house can also benefit from online counselling and it can be the first step to recovering by having some sessions online, gradually leaving their home for face to face sessions as a form of exposure for their fears.

As my colleague Kathy at https://www.blackwoodwellbeingcentre.com/ says ‘there’s something about having to get up, get showered and dressed and out to face the world that does me a power of good.’ I have to agree; on my down days (yes counsellors have them too) having my routine of going out is hugely beneficial to my sense of wellbeing.

Summing up, I feel there is a place for both online and face to face counselling. We will all have our preference as ‘one size’ definitely does NOT fit all in therapy or any other area of life.

If you feel you would like online or face to face therapy I am happy to provide either or a mix of the two.

Make that first step…. or maybe it’s a leap and contact me via the contact button above. I may not be able to answer straight away, but if you leave a message I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m free.

Many people wonder what goes on in a therapy session and how it works; and it’s not like in the films! In this blog I will try to explain and reassure that although it can seem mysterious, it is about two people sat in a room; me the counsellor and the other, the client who is experiencing some kind of distress in their life.

After someone has made contact with me either through email or phone call, I arrange a time and day that is suitable to both of us. Before the appointment, I send directions to my counselling room in Blackwood and details of how to pay and am always happy to answer any questions that may arise before our first session. The day comes, you reach my counselling room in Blackwood full of trepidation and anticipation, maybe wondering how you are going to speak to this person you’ve never met before. You press the intercom for my room, I answer and come to the door to meet you. Once you are settled comfortably in my counselling room, the first thing I do is to explain that whatever you tell me is in confidence, although there are limits to that confidence, which I would explain further. Once this has been completed the work of counselling commences.

People come to counselling for many reasons; anxiety, panic attacks, health anxiety, relationship and work problems, bereavement, anything that is making them feel depressed, unhappy and sometimes frozen with fear.

The problem could be big or small but the important thing is to have the chance to speak out loud about what is causing the anxiety, distress and unhappiness, without fear of being judged, made to feel silly or shut down. In some ways counselling is mysterious in the way it works; the client and counsellor look for clues about what is going on and maybe look at patterns from the past that are still being repeated and affecting them now. It’s a wonderful moment when a client discovers a different perspective and understanding about their problem and even more wonderful is the realisation that by talking, they have discovered their own answers.

People often ask ‘will counselling change the way I feel?’ There is no certainty but many people report feeling lighter after their first session. They also report feeling energised or even exhausted; hard work is in progress and it can be overwhelming at times. Counselling is a process and being committed to attending sessions on a weekly basis at first, seems to produce the best results. If you find yourself feeling reluctant to attend your sessions, it’s important to ask yourself why? Are painful feelings being discussed, are things moving too quickly? If you feel this, don’t be afraid to discuss these feelings with your counsellor

When we are in pain, physical or mental, we want to make things better for ourselves as soon as possible. Change can be painful and progress slow, as humans we tend to stay with the familiar even if it is no longer serving us. Progress can be difficult to measure on a weekly basis, I find it’s best reflected on after several sessions and comparing how you feel now to how you felt in your first session. Attending counselling is a time to be patient and gentle with yourself whilst you build new foundations, which will hopefully lead to a better understanding of yourself, and help you live the life you want.

I hope this explains and reassures you about the ‘mystery of the counselling session.‘ Yes, you may feel apprehensive and a bit scared before the first session, that’s natural. Please be assured that you will receive a warm welcome and that I will help you to feel at ease.

Counselling could be an investment in your future self, so if you are ready to take that first step, or maybe it’s a leap click on the Contact Me button at the top of the page. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

I look forward to meeting you.

Have you been thinking about seeking counselling and resisting the idea? There may be many reasons stopping you:

“I should be able to sort this out for myself, do I really need help? “

“I have friends and family to talk to.”

“I feel too ashamed to admit I need help, people will think I’m weak.”

“The counsellor will think I’m crazy if I tell them what’s been going through my mind.” “My worries aren’t big enough to seek counselling, the counsellor will think I’m a time waster”

…and many, many more unhelpful thoughts in an attempt to talk yourself out of it.

These are all normal thoughts most people have; I hope I can lessen your fears by answering the questions above.

“I should be able to sort this out for myself, do I really need help?”

A lot of the time it is possible to ‘sort things out’ however, sometimes we can become so overwhelmed with a problem or fear that we go around in circles trying to reassure ourselves or asking others for reassurance, yet never finding a satisfactory answer.

“I have friends and family to talk to”

Friends/family can be a great support, but because they can’t stand to see their friends or family suffering, it can result in a tendency to give advice and even passing judgement on the situation.

“what do you have to be anxious/depressed about?”

“you need to get a grip, there’s much worse off than you”

These questions, although an attempt to shake the person out of their mood, can have the effect of creating shame and guilt about how they are feeling and the thought that they shouldn’t be feeling like this. This may lead to feelings of isolation and a habit of keeping problems to ourselves….not good. The dam usually bursts at some point.

“I feel too ashamed to admit I need help, people will think I’m weak.

It most certainly is not a sign of weakness to seek help from an outside source, such as a counsellor. Admitting you want help is a sign that your problems and fears are about to overflow and that you have recognised your needs.

“The counsellor will think I’m crazy if I tell them what’s been going through my mind.”

Your counsellor will not think you are crazy. We have been trained to listen without judgement. You will be able to talk about whatever you want in confidence and without fear of being overheard.

“My worries aren’t big enough to seek counselling, the counsellor will think I’m a time waster”

You may believe your problems aren’t big enough, surely it’s better to seek help early before things blow up and become unmanageable? As a counsellor I am always happy to listen to you however large or small your worries are.

Although the first session may feel awkward, after all, you are talking to a stranger about your deepest thoughts; as we build the counselling relationship it will feel more relaxed and natural to talk. Counselling is not an overnight cure, generally clients report feeling a lot lighter after their first session and are relieved they have made the first step.

In a nutshell, if any of what you’ve read resonates and you feel ready for change, why not send me a message or give me a call via the Contact Me button at the top of this page. My counselling room is in easy reach of Newport, Ebbw Vale, Merthyr Tydfil, Caerphilly and surrounding areas.